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DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)
Oh Phil, when will they learn ....
I first got sucked into the DOA series by my friend and his PS2. Much midnight oil was burned in various DOA 2 "tournaments" at his house. It was amazing. The graphics, the breakable and multi-teared environments, the character models (3D models with a unique take on physics and its impact on the human anatomy) and the unique combat system, is what brought me back from the oblivion of the mundane fighting genre. These were the key criteria to the game's playability. The story was always forgettable, yet the cut scenes were always cinematically impressive.
In steps Corey Yuen, attempting to best Steven E. de Souza and Jean Claude's horrible, horrible Street Fighter (another fighting genre game, for those that Rip Van Winkled). I still can't believe that was Raul Julia's last motion picture. What a terrible eulogy. Corey doesn't improve much on the his predecessors. The fighting game genre is not exactly the best source for a movie or any other story adaption (please also see Tekken, Tekken the Motion Picture, and some of the Street Fighter animated TV series for reference). There is not much there to adapt. I mean the purpose of these games are to take out one opponent after another until there is no one left and you are out of quarters. The story is meaningless.
I will make this brief : The movie mostly revolves around the female characters of DOA ; Tina (Jaime Pressly), Kasumi (Devon Aoki) and Christie (Holly Valance). Insert a flying, bladed boomerang with DOA logo on it and then add a stereotypical, Enter the Dragon-like island with a martial arts tournament and henchmen. Insert a bad guy. Lots and lots of ridiculous wire work. Also don't forget the DOA logo segue (think Adam West's Batman). The result is carrion excrement. It is as if Corey was reading Maxim or FHM while filming this. Is that how he cast his "actors" ?
Now to the positive. Jaime Pressly looks really, really fit and looks great in Tina's American Flag two piece swimsuit. I do feel a little bad for her. She seems to be reprising her role from My Name is Earl (one trick pony??). It is also nice to see Kevin Nash again in a speaking role, nonetheless. There are some nice wink, winks to the fans - a volleyball game homage to DOA Extreme Volleyball, a few character specific moves, the game's ridiculous ability to reveal flesh without revealing too much (see Christie's putting on her underwear scene) and the inclusion of Mortal Kombat's Liu Kang (Robin Shou). Has that guy done anything since Mortal Kombat : Annihilation ? It is also nice to see Eric Roberts completing his metamorphosis into a full time B or C movie celebrity and single handedly killing off any chance at being a respected actor. He probably deserves the John Carradine Lifetime Achievement Award for that.
Now back to the bad. I tried, but this movie just made me want to go to Corey's house and Tony Jaa him in the chest. Will someone please stop paying Devon Aoki money to act ? If you stop paying her, she might have to find another line of work. Maybe a career that will be supportive of her "alien" looks, lack of emotion and her unique inability to put words together into sentences. I mean she was good in Sin City, but she didn't have to say anything. Every monotone line and California-accented Japanese name she delivered, was like nails on a chalkboard.
The acting is atrocious, the dialog ridiculous and the fighting is quite visibly edited to make you forget that none of these "actors" can fight. I know Tarantino used non-martial artists and wire work for Kill Bill, but he did have a story and some real talent (Gordon Liu, for example). The funniest part of the casting is that they didn't take in account the main feature of the game - cleavage. Did Corey actual believe that their combined "acting" ability was going to make up for that shortcoming ? I mean they wasted money on those crappy CGI explosions/effects, when they could have used it for CGI mammary enhancements. It probably would have been funnier and closer to game. The fighting in this movie would make Chuck Norris seem like Bruce Lee to the untrained eye.
Maybe I am being too harsh. Was this a kid's movie? Its appeal must be geared towards the 10-15 year old male demographic who have never seen a martial arts movie before. This is a big skip. Go see just about anything else. It will most likely be better than this. If you really need a DOA fix, just dust off the PS2/Xbox or 360 and play on.
In steps Corey Yuen, attempting to best Steven E. de Souza and Jean Claude's horrible, horrible Street Fighter (another fighting genre game, for those that Rip Van Winkled). I still can't believe that was Raul Julia's last motion picture. What a terrible eulogy. Corey doesn't improve much on the his predecessors. The fighting game genre is not exactly the best source for a movie or any other story adaption (please also see Tekken, Tekken the Motion Picture, and some of the Street Fighter animated TV series for reference). There is not much there to adapt. I mean the purpose of these games are to take out one opponent after another until there is no one left and you are out of quarters. The story is meaningless.
I will make this brief : The movie mostly revolves around the female characters of DOA ; Tina (Jaime Pressly), Kasumi (Devon Aoki) and Christie (Holly Valance). Insert a flying, bladed boomerang with DOA logo on it and then add a stereotypical, Enter the Dragon-like island with a martial arts tournament and henchmen. Insert a bad guy. Lots and lots of ridiculous wire work. Also don't forget the DOA logo segue (think Adam West's Batman). The result is carrion excrement. It is as if Corey was reading Maxim or FHM while filming this. Is that how he cast his "actors" ?
Now to the positive. Jaime Pressly looks really, really fit and looks great in Tina's American Flag two piece swimsuit. I do feel a little bad for her. She seems to be reprising her role from My Name is Earl (one trick pony??). It is also nice to see Kevin Nash again in a speaking role, nonetheless. There are some nice wink, winks to the fans - a volleyball game homage to DOA Extreme Volleyball, a few character specific moves, the game's ridiculous ability to reveal flesh without revealing too much (see Christie's putting on her underwear scene) and the inclusion of Mortal Kombat's Liu Kang (Robin Shou). Has that guy done anything since Mortal Kombat : Annihilation ? It is also nice to see Eric Roberts completing his metamorphosis into a full time B or C movie celebrity and single handedly killing off any chance at being a respected actor. He probably deserves the John Carradine Lifetime Achievement Award for that.
Now back to the bad. I tried, but this movie just made me want to go to Corey's house and Tony Jaa him in the chest. Will someone please stop paying Devon Aoki money to act ? If you stop paying her, she might have to find another line of work. Maybe a career that will be supportive of her "alien" looks, lack of emotion and her unique inability to put words together into sentences. I mean she was good in Sin City, but she didn't have to say anything. Every monotone line and California-accented Japanese name she delivered, was like nails on a chalkboard.
The acting is atrocious, the dialog ridiculous and the fighting is quite visibly edited to make you forget that none of these "actors" can fight. I know Tarantino used non-martial artists and wire work for Kill Bill, but he did have a story and some real talent (Gordon Liu, for example). The funniest part of the casting is that they didn't take in account the main feature of the game - cleavage. Did Corey actual believe that their combined "acting" ability was going to make up for that shortcoming ? I mean they wasted money on those crappy CGI explosions/effects, when they could have used it for CGI mammary enhancements. It probably would have been funnier and closer to game. The fighting in this movie would make Chuck Norris seem like Bruce Lee to the untrained eye.
Maybe I am being too harsh. Was this a kid's movie? Its appeal must be geared towards the 10-15 year old male demographic who have never seen a martial arts movie before. This is a big skip. Go see just about anything else. It will most likely be better than this. If you really need a DOA fix, just dust off the PS2/Xbox or 360 and play on.
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