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Abominable (2006)
As good as its name …. if only slightly cheesier.
I had heard much and see some of it (thank you Joel from the Soup, for opening my eyes to the sheer horrific humor that is this movie), this SciFi cable original movie.
So the guy who was pegged as Steve Guttenberg's replacement in Police Academy 5 and 6 (Matt McCoy), is a wheelchair-bound former mountain climber. The cause of this injury is explained in a pseudo-flashback accident (and third person accounts) where he and his wife fall from Suicide Rock, because their climbing rope snapped. He has been taken to his cabin, near the scene of the tragedy, in the hopes that it will be beneficial and therapeutic. Upon arrival, Matt McCoy does his best Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window impersonation complete (and convenient) with 5 young, fresh girls next door. For some reason, we get the full view of the entire house complete with full audio capabilities, all from the binoculars Matt uses. I think Uwe Boll might have been a consultant-in-spirit on this movie.
Not much happens until about the hour mark. This is the part of the movie that makes this whole thing "worthwhile". The first hour just makes karma look like chamomile tea. Cheesy dialog and cheesy background music permeates the entire movie. It is the seasoning. The movie is quite sasquatch-centric. All revolves around it. "It" looks much like a mash-up of Harry, from Harry and the Hendersons, Critters, and an angry, drunken, 80 year old Scotsman. All that with a crazy lust for meat (dog, horse and people).
The plot isn't too complicated nor too in-depth. What you see or don't see, is exactly what you get. The rest involves lots of dragging, talking to oneself, pointless dialog, ripping flesh, tearing flesh and the "squeezing" of full size people through bathroom windows (a classic). There's some nice cameos by the late Paul Gleason, Lance Henriksen and the Re-Animator himself Jeffrey Combs. They don't contribute much too anything, albeit the scenes between the Re-Animator and Bishop are quite funny.
In the end all I wanted to know is: Where do I get some of the lip gloss/lip balm that Haley Joel was wearing? It doesn't fail, even when confronted with snow, dirt, mud, water, blood or killer Sasquatch. Operators are standing by, supplies are limited. Please order now. Bring the crackers and wine because you'll be getting a lot of cheese. And nothing goes better with cheese than crackers and wine. Don't delay, watch it today.
So the guy who was pegged as Steve Guttenberg's replacement in Police Academy 5 and 6 (Matt McCoy), is a wheelchair-bound former mountain climber. The cause of this injury is explained in a pseudo-flashback accident (and third person accounts) where he and his wife fall from Suicide Rock, because their climbing rope snapped. He has been taken to his cabin, near the scene of the tragedy, in the hopes that it will be beneficial and therapeutic. Upon arrival, Matt McCoy does his best Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window impersonation complete (and convenient) with 5 young, fresh girls next door. For some reason, we get the full view of the entire house complete with full audio capabilities, all from the binoculars Matt uses. I think Uwe Boll might have been a consultant-in-spirit on this movie.
Not much happens until about the hour mark. This is the part of the movie that makes this whole thing "worthwhile". The first hour just makes karma look like chamomile tea. Cheesy dialog and cheesy background music permeates the entire movie. It is the seasoning. The movie is quite sasquatch-centric. All revolves around it. "It" looks much like a mash-up of Harry, from Harry and the Hendersons, Critters, and an angry, drunken, 80 year old Scotsman. All that with a crazy lust for meat (dog, horse and people).
The plot isn't too complicated nor too in-depth. What you see or don't see, is exactly what you get. The rest involves lots of dragging, talking to oneself, pointless dialog, ripping flesh, tearing flesh and the "squeezing" of full size people through bathroom windows (a classic). There's some nice cameos by the late Paul Gleason, Lance Henriksen and the Re-Animator himself Jeffrey Combs. They don't contribute much too anything, albeit the scenes between the Re-Animator and Bishop are quite funny.
In the end all I wanted to know is: Where do I get some of the lip gloss/lip balm that Haley Joel was wearing? It doesn't fail, even when confronted with snow, dirt, mud, water, blood or killer Sasquatch. Operators are standing by, supplies are limited. Please order now. Bring the crackers and wine because you'll be getting a lot of cheese. And nothing goes better with cheese than crackers and wine. Don't delay, watch it today.
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