Review of "La Battaglia di Maratona" (1959)

La Battaglia di Maratona (1959)
(a.k.a. The Giant of Marathon)

"They tied her to the 9th hole of the Put-Put Golf Course."

Mystery Science Theater 3000 was a staple for many. When it went off the air, we searched for an outlet. Out of the darkness & rubble, first arose the Film Crew(now defunct) and RiffTrax. Both these endeavors revolved around Mike, Kevin & Bill. This is last movie of the four movies (picked democratically by the "Internet") the Crew laid track for before disbanding. Honcho Home Video Presentation's motto is "every movie deserves a commentary." Mr.Honcho decides to go Greek and makes the Crew lay down a track for the Giant of Marathon (original Italian titles translates to "the battle of Marathon").

The format of the DVD is identical to the other 3. There is an introductory scene with Bob Honcho on the phone selecting the movie, a lunch break in the middle of the movie(where they end up not eating usually) and a finale sketch (in this case making outrageous hats and a racial rambling about the Basque). As with the other DVDs there is bonus selection. This one is in two parts. The first is Mike's apology attempts towards the Persians and Italians. The second part is the commentary track of an electrician extra from the movie (sketch).

Steve after passing an Olympian-sized kidney stone.

This is the typical Italian sword & sandal epic : low budget, melodramatic cardboard acting, repetitive, horrible dubbings, sub-par action sequences, "loads" of homo-erotic imagery & one chiseled foreign bodybuilder on the marquee. In this case, a beardless Steve Reeves as the marathon's progenitor, Phillipides.

We start with the story of how Phillipides becomes champion of the olympics, as the credits & titles roll. This is immediately followed by a lengthy written paragraph, setting up the back story of the love rectangle between Phillipides and Theocratis' arranged wife (Andromeda) and his concubine (the mannish Karis). The front story is your basic power struggle, mixed in with conspiracy and some battles with the Persians. We can't forget the Spartans. Then toss.

"Torturing horses is job one for this movie."

These epics seem like historical re-enactments in terms of the dialog, acting, costumes, sets and battles. History is the casualty in most, however, as is the enjoyment level and consciousness. The historical aspect would have been the only saving grace. Instead, crack the grappa, watch this with friends and savor the unintentional comic genius present in this movie. It is a rare and beautiful thing for the genre, though most of good ones star Steve Reeves. Also see Hercules and Hercules Unchained for reference.

Even though the internet picked this fourth, it is arguably the best of the four Film Crew movies. I dare to say that it is comparable (if not better) to the MST3k version of Hercules or Hercules Unchained (both with Steve Reeves). This movie is dedicated to men in diapers.

See all the screen shots here.

Non-Film Crew IMDB.com comment.

Review of "Wild Women of Wongo" (1958)

Wild Women of Wongo (1958)

It's a miracle the human race survived, but the Film Crew flourished for a little while longer.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 was a staple for many. When it went off the air, we searched for an outlet. Out of the darkness & rubble, first arose the Film Crew(now defunct) and RiffTrax. Both these endeavors revolved around Mike, Kevin & Bill. This is the third of four movies the Crew laid track for before disbanding and I believe is the best of the bunch.

The namesakes of the movie. DANCE!!

In this episode Bob Honcho picks the Wild Women of Wongo for the Crew to lay down a commentary track. As usually there are 3 sketches; beginning, lunch & end. The first sketch is about the air conditioning of the building. The lunch sketch is all about a map of the world and the final sketch is the testing of a match-making computer. As compared to the sketches in Hollywood After Dark & Killers from Space, these seem less forced and somewhat funnies. Sadly, none of Film Crew sketches compares to any from MST3k. There is a bonus section on the DVD and it contains two sketches: the Crew is forced to DANCE by the dragon god priestess & reenactment of the final scene of the movie, with cutouts.

Mama Cass searching for some food and a man.

A disembodied Mother Nature narrates a story 10,000 years in the making. The events of the great "Wongo"-"Goona"-"Monkey Men from the Sea" conflict are recounted. The manipulative Mother Nature has placed all the prettiest women with the Wongo tribe and the good looking men in the rival & nearby Goona tribe. The men of Wongo & women of Goona are suppose to be fugly. The Monkey Man threat is severely over-hyped, as is their involvement in the film.

The conflict arises when the son of the king of Goona arrives by canoe, waving the white-wing of peace, to warn Wongo of the arrival of the Monkey Men from the sea. The Wongo men, obviously jealous of his good looks, devise a plan to kill him. The Wongo women, lusting over the pretty man, decide to step in. The origins of humanity start are becoming clearer, but it just needs a few more ingredients.

Mr. Burns looks exactly as he did 10,000 years ago. Amazing.

Add a "Dragon God" (a.k.a. crocodile/alligator), the god's temple complete with one crazy priestess, some modern dance, leopard print & leather slips, lots of hair spray, blue hair, empty scenes of the "jungle", at least 12 cut-aways to an annoying parrot, stock footage of crocodiles/alligators, scenes of wandering through the jungle, several repetitions of previous footage, a scene of a woman trying to drown a crocodile/alligator and page upon page of horrible "savage-man" dialog (i.e. "me go", "Wongo not friend to Goona", Yoda teaching English class, etc.). Anyone can film a movie like this. Just go to the Florida Everglades or Keys and hire some bodies from Gold's Gym, don't forget to cater it and remember the script will figure itself out. The pain is excruciating. This is definitely the kind of movie to watch at 1.5x and not by oneself. Do NOT attempt this without the Crew, moreover bring many friends and several bottles of bourbon.

Click here for the rest of the screen shots.

Non-Film Crew IMDB.com comment here.

Review of "Terror! Il castello delle donne maledette" (1974)

Terror! Il castello delle donne maledette (1974)
(a.k.a.Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks)


This is a prime example why they fire people on Fridays.

The accuracy of production: 19th century jeans, turtleneck sweater and leather belt.

The movie starts suddenly on a small cliff. What appears to be a man in animal skins (a caveman I suppose) is on top of the cliff throwing things at people below. The people are dressed in 18-19th century garments and are throwing things, up at the caveman. Sadly you know this will be a bad/cheap movie from the start as there appears to be a man in jeans and a turtleneck in the crowd of villagers. Did the movie run out of costumes up front or was this guy crashing the movie? Eventually, the villagers overwhelm the lone caveman and proceed to beat him to death with clubs & rocks. Then the titles.

No little people were harmed in the making of this. They were just manhandled.

Marie Frankenstein (the doctor's daughter) is on her way home to her family's country castle, with her fiancé and a female friend tagging along for spring break. According to the good doctor, the Neanderthal man's (a.k.a. caveman) appearance is not a fluke, but is explained by "science". They somehow live in the nearby caves and have for hundreds of years. His experiment is the reanimation of that ex-caveman, now called "Goliath".

Cinematic Titanic debuts the "Breast Blimp", to the dismay of all watching.

This is a typical Italian knock-off/mash up of movie genres. I have had numerous experiences with these, from spaghetti westerns to giallo to the epics and even the apocalyptic future. This one is the Italian version (much cheaper) of a Hammer film with gratuitous nudity. It does try to portray Dr. Frankenstein as a misunderstood character, who is good by nature and circumstances and others have tarnished his image (the Wicked effect). This aspect is muffled by the gratuitous nudity, some horrible dubbing, extremely low budget and the "freaks". When you add 2 Neanderthals cavemen (one living in a cave and the other necrotic), a revenge driven ex-employed dwarf (Michael Dunn, most renowned for his role in Star Trek's Plato's Stepchildren episode) and a mustached, adulterer hunchback (Boris Lugosi, Karloff & Lugosi's Italian love child), what good can come from it?

Bela Lugosi & Boris Karloff's Italian love child : Boris Lugosi.

Basically, it was the dwarfs fault. Firing the dwarf causes the series of events that we are all aware of : monster escapes, innocent people are killed, villagers riot with torches, the monster & Frankenstein are killed by the end. There is not much horror, logic, acting, suspension of disbelief, nudity or much of anything else in this movie except a painfully long run time. You will struggle with the dialog, as some of it sounds like English, but in the end all you come away with is that the rule of the mob is that the mob rules. That and the idea that a long, nude mineral bath can fix just about anything.

Experience all the screen shots here.

Review of "A Case of Spring Fever" (1940)

A Case of Spring Fever (1940)

What would life be without spring, George Bailey?

This is a typical short film in the genre of the "what would life be like if we didn't have 'this'?" . This can be anything from an element to a specific technology. We are typically given situations without said thing and then we repeat the same situations with the thing in question, for comparison. This short deals with springs.

The main character is fixing a coach for his wife instead of going golfing with the boys (sadly not a euphemism). He places a dreaded curse upon the spring's existence and an animated character appears. It calls itself Coily the Spring Sprite and it is there to make the man's existence a living, spring-less hell.

Coily, the Spring Sprite right next to the accelerator.

Coily gets the utmost pleasure from making all the springs disappear and making the man miserable to the point of acquiescing his mistake. After that, the man takes to his reprogramming like a fish to water. He becomes a spring-aficionado and proceeds to harass all his friends, in a Coily-like fashion. The man, once a victim, continues the vicious cycle of psychological abuse.

Is he still talking about springs?

One of the funnier MST3k shorts (and the guy's presence is always a blessing), but by the end, we ALL get it; springs are everywhere. Shut up already.

The screenshots are here.

Watch for yourself here:

Review of "Mr. B Natural" (1957)

Mr. B Natural (1957)

Once at band camp, I was assaulted by Mr. B Natural holding a French horn.

Mr. B reminds me of a creepier & whiter Grace Jones.

Mr. B Natural is really a talking, musical note that transforms into a woman dressed in a powder blue Peter-Pan like outfit, pretending to be a man calling himself B Natural. Still following?

Mr. B would have fit in perfectly in a 70's party with George Carlin, Rick James and Robin Williams (sniff, sniff). Now imaging instead of all these cool people (or any other people), it's just you and Mr. B in a room together. Also, Mr. B is really working for an instrument manufacturer, COMM. On top of that, Mr. B is on a roll after dropping some acid, ecstasy and meth. Hold on to your hats and hope your psychiatrist can fix it later.

Mr. B gestures to Satan.

The opening scene is band practice on a grass field, followed by notes & Mr. B on a sound stage. The scene moves to band co-ed lockers (very progressive for 1957). Mr. B comes out of the closet(literally) and convinces our protagonist, Buzz (??), into getting his parents to buy him a musical instrument. Life is great. Buzz goes to all the great parties. We then get assembly porn of the COMM factory. I wish I were kidding:

Staying in would have been better for everyone, in this case.

Mr. B returns. I feel soulless now and the drugs are wearing off. The only thing I learn is that "it really is quite fun to be psychotic." Thank you Joel, Crow & Tom for helping me through the dark times.

Part 1 here:

Part 2 here:



Click here for all screen shots.

Review of "Catching Trouble" (1936)

Catching Trouble (1936)

My boyfriend sure knows his stuff; torturing nature.

Previous title "Catching Trouble from PETA"

First of all, this movie was made back in 1936 and it's a bit like talking to your grandpa. You understand it's his way & not malicious, but it's still a bit outdated and un-PC. Based on the movie on it's own, I would give it a 1. The extra vote was for the MST3k version, which improves upon the pain. Definitely do not watch alone & remember to adopt an orphan afterward.

Ross' faithful Seminole, also goes by Eh Wat. What a sad life he must have lived.

Our protagonist, Ross Allen, is described as a modern day Tarzan. His job is catching live animals for the zoo from the Florida Everglades. With the assistance of his faithful Seminole guide, who's name is either "Eh Wat" or nothing at all, he fulfills an order asking for the following: 1 live bobcat, 2 cub black bears, 3 six-foot diamondback rattlers & a partridge in a pear tree (I made that last part up).

I didn't even mention the shorts, yet.

Ross has a variety of techniques for capturing these living animals. Techniques such as: chopping down the tree the animal is in (you could also have your man servant attempt this), chasing animals to & from trees, smashing animals into the ground, pulling animals out of the trees or water-boarding a bear. In all honesty, by the end, I was hoping one of those snakes would get a nice bite of Ross. Time eventually did.

Almost!! So close...

Here is the entire assault on tape:

If you want to know more about our hero, Ross, check here and here.

The set of screen shots can be found here.

Review of "X Marks the Spot" (1944)

X Marks the Spot (1944)


Worst Instructional Movie in New Jersey.

The most reviled titles in film history??

The State of New Jersey probably has the worst reputation of any state in the Union, especially when it comes to driving & driving conditions within its borders. This WWII driving education short would like to remedy that by showing the results of not following traffic rules/laws, however it leads to comic situations. Do NOT watch un-MST3k.

Alternative movie titles : "The Commish" , "Ghost Court" or "The Garden State"

After a brief and soporific monologue by Arthur W. Magee, the "Commissioner", we are presented with a hypothetical situation that would be a common sight to any NJ resident : namely a bad driver. We follow that typical NJ driver, Joe Doakes, in a typical driving day (where accidents seem to be possible at every intersection). Shortly after we meet Joe & live through some of his driving escapades with him, he dies in a traffic accident. (add canned shocked response here)

Instead of dying and meeting St. Peter at the pearly gates, Joe ends up in ghost traffic court with his driving-guardian-ghost defending him. Instead of St. Peter we have a judge. The rest of the film is just a series of flashbacks to all of Joe's driving indiscretions, near accidents, accidents and eventual death, as his guardian ghost recounts all.

They tell time differently in New Jersey.

The trial unfortunately goes nowhere. The judge doesn't make an actual ruling but either leaves that to a ghost jury (not shown) or to the viewing audience (also not shown). In the end, I'm not even sure what was at stake in the hearing, Joe's soul or Joe's ghostly driver's license. After 20 minutes, I felt much like Joe did. I pleaded with the LCD & god himself to make it stop : "Please let me go back. Just this once. Besides, I got almost a full book of 8 coupons left."

Nothing but silence.

Then Greg laughed.

Enjoy the MST3k version of the film here :

The rest of the screen shots are here.

Review of "The Rebel Set (1959)"

The Rebel Set (1959)

It's a little late for acting lessons, welcome to the devil's workshop. See what coffeehouses can do.

In the same tradition of "The Beatniks" comes this little gem, from our friends on the Satellite of Love. And if you are thinking you know what a beatnik looks like, then think again. About the only thing this movie has in common with a "beatnik" is the club at the beginning of the movie. Beatniks are really nothing more than the backdrop and comedy relief. It's like they're part of set.

The movie itself resolves around the schemings of "Mr.T". If you are thinking of a tough and athletic black man with many gold chains and rings when you hear that, then is the wrong movie for you. Instead this "Mr.T" is a bald white male, accessorized with a "sitting cane", removable goatee and cigarette holder. He is a Beatnik because he plays chess there as his front. The rest of his crew is a bunch of drunks, losers and squares. Perhaps it is the director's subtle message that radical and subversive behavior exhibits itself in the mind of regular looking and average drones. I should stop thinking so much as this is a bad movie. Trying to analyze it any more, just makes my gums hurt more.

If you haven't figured it out already, this is a heist picture with a twist. If you have seen any of the Ocean 11 movies (Frank,Dino,Sammy,Brad,Matt and George versions are all prime and easy examples of the type of story this is attempting) or any of numerous heist related movies (too many to name),there are good and better ones than this one.

Do yourself a favor and stay away from this movie if it is not accompanied by two robot friends and a guy in a red jump suit. They are the only reason to watch this movie at all. I also recommend some Bulleit Bourbon with it, 5 shots-worth. Spread it out evenly, as the slow parts will require medicine. It is a homage to a true beatnik, "Moonie" : "I KILLED THAT FAT BARKEEP!!!"

Review of "DOA: Dead or Alive" (2006)

DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)


Oh Phil, when will they learn ....

I first got sucked into the DOA series by my friend and his PS2. Much midnight oil was burned in various DOA 2 "tournaments" at his house. It was amazing. The graphics, the breakable and multi-teared environments, the character models (3D models with a unique take on physics and its impact on the human anatomy) and the unique combat system, is what brought me back from the oblivion of the mundane fighting genre. These were the key criteria to the game's playability. The story was always forgettable, yet the cut scenes were always cinematically impressive.

In steps Corey Yuen, attempting to best Steven E. de Souza and Jean Claude's horrible, horrible Street Fighter (another fighting genre game, for those that Rip Van Winkled). I still can't believe that was Raul Julia's last motion picture. What a terrible eulogy. Corey doesn't improve much on the his predecessors. The fighting game genre is not exactly the best source for a movie or any other story adaption (please also see Tekken, Tekken the Motion Picture, and some of the Street Fighter animated TV series for reference). There is not much there to adapt. I mean the purpose of these games are to take out one opponent after another until there is no one left and you are out of quarters. The story is meaningless.

I will make this brief : The movie mostly revolves around the female characters of DOA ; Tina (Jaime Pressly), Kasumi (Devon Aoki) and Christie (Holly Valance). Insert a flying, bladed boomerang with DOA logo on it and then add a stereotypical, Enter the Dragon-like island with a martial arts tournament and henchmen. Insert a bad guy. Lots and lots of ridiculous wire work. Also don't forget the DOA logo segue (think Adam West's Batman). The result is carrion excrement. It is as if Corey was reading Maxim or FHM while filming this. Is that how he cast his "actors" ?

Now to the positive. Jaime Pressly looks really, really fit and looks great in Tina's American Flag two piece swimsuit. I do feel a little bad for her. She seems to be reprising her role from My Name is Earl (one trick pony??). It is also nice to see Kevin Nash again in a speaking role, nonetheless. There are some nice wink, winks to the fans - a volleyball game homage to DOA Extreme Volleyball, a few character specific moves, the game's ridiculous ability to reveal flesh without revealing too much (see Christie's putting on her underwear scene) and the inclusion of Mortal Kombat's Liu Kang (Robin Shou). Has that guy done anything since Mortal Kombat : Annihilation ? It is also nice to see Eric Roberts completing his metamorphosis into a full time B or C movie celebrity and single handedly killing off any chance at being a respected actor. He probably deserves the John Carradine Lifetime Achievement Award for that.

Now back to the bad. I tried, but this movie just made me want to go to Corey's house and Tony Jaa him in the chest. Will someone please stop paying Devon Aoki money to act ? If you stop paying her, she might have to find another line of work. Maybe a career that will be supportive of her "alien" looks, lack of emotion and her unique inability to put words together into sentences. I mean she was good in Sin City, but she didn't have to say anything. Every monotone line and California-accented Japanese name she delivered, was like nails on a chalkboard.

The acting is atrocious, the dialog ridiculous and the fighting is quite visibly edited to make you forget that none of these "actors" can fight. I know Tarantino used non-martial artists and wire work for Kill Bill, but he did have a story and some real talent (Gordon Liu, for example). The funniest part of the casting is that they didn't take in account the main feature of the game - cleavage. Did Corey actual believe that their combined "acting" ability was going to make up for that shortcoming ? I mean they wasted money on those crappy CGI explosions/effects, when they could have used it for CGI mammary enhancements. It probably would have been funnier and closer to game. The fighting in this movie would make Chuck Norris seem like Bruce Lee to the untrained eye.

Maybe I am being too harsh. Was this a kid's movie? Its appeal must be geared towards the 10-15 year old male demographic who have never seen a martial arts movie before. This is a big skip. Go see just about anything else. It will most likely be better than this. If you really need a DOA fix, just dust off the PS2/Xbox or 360 and play on.

Review of "Hitler : Dead or Alive" (1942)

Hitler : Dead or Alive (1942)


Shut Up. Dutch!! What I tell you about talking'??

I am continuing my "dead or alive" theme with this little war-time propaganda soporific. Before Blood Diamond, Gorillas in the Mist and The Forbidden Dance, Ward Bond went in to Germany via Canada and Great Britain, to kill Adolf Schicklgruber (a.k.a Adolf Hitler). Now I see where the inspiration for Coleman Francis' Red Zone Cuba came from. I will summarize the main points : Steve Maschick (Bond) has just been released from Alcatraz for tax evasion, after serving an 11 year of 12 stint, with his cronies "The Book" (Paul Fix, Alumni of Night of the Lepus) and "Dutch" (the handicap-able Warrne Hymer). The same day a rich tycoon puts up a $1,000,000 reward for the killing of Schicklgruber (Hilter.... oh Monty!!). To set the record straight. A bunch of beer swilling low-level criminal mobsters want to infiltrate the deepest corners of the Third Reich and assassinate Hitler. The plan, none. It's all improvised. Colonel "Hannibal" Smith would have said something about "jazz" at this point.

I'm done with the plot at this point. I will continue by sharing with you some of the intricacies of this sublime stain. They must have been working with a very, very limited budget. The cockpit of the paratrooper plane looks like a giant room, with an oval arch. The pilot is sitting down in a chair, "acting" like he's looking out the window and may be (through some miracle) holding a flight stick. Ed Wood's production would have looked like Steve Spielberg's by comparison. And of course there the hackney stock footage. We have a musical score that boils your blood at the same time it melts your heart. Yankee Doodle is drawn out into a 2 minute epic, describing the griping and stress-filled mood of hiding under the stairs in the sitting room. It's melody is wave-like, moving from eerie to patriotic to melancholy. It also moves to nausea. We also have yet another movie where Hitler is right handed. If I remember correctly, Herr Schicklgruber was of the left persuasion. We also cannot forget about characters such as Else, the German Duchess with a sometimes German, sometimes French accent from London, who doubles as a double agent. Have you noticed Germany looks a lot like California? Yeah, I've had enough already. How about you ?

Ward Bond worked on 25+ movies with John Ford and who knows how many with John Wayne. He was always the lone-cowboy backing you up. Were the times really that tough or was it the damn old studio system again, with its contractual obligations that lead to his involvement in this production? Ward has committed his energy and effort into this role. It is sad that there is nothing there to keep you . Ward is by far the only reason to keep watching. It is to see his over the top performance as a leading man. This movie also seems a bit ironic when thinking what happened to Ward during the blacklisting in Hollywood and all his Communist comrades.

This is a collection of celluloid film which adds up to a ridiculous premise, that is remarkably forward thinking considering the idiocracy of the 26th century to come. It has influenced numerous movies from the Dirty Dozen to Invasion U.S.A to Delta Force. Ward's Anti Nazi-Pro Child message at end, would go on to influence a certain man from Cuba. And inspire millions to "Say hello to his little friend..."

Review of "Gojira tai Megaro" (1973)

Gojira tai Megaro (1973)

(a.k.a. - Godzilla vs. Megalon)

Look I found some funny powder......

All my previous Godzilla sessions were solo. Finally I have someone riding shotgun with me, helping me through the tough times. The guys from the Satellite of Love join me on this lovely expedition.

Sometime in 1971, nuclear tests are performed on a Pacific Island. This introduction is full of giant explosions or rather miniatures of giant explosions. Lots of miniature models were destroyed. Next, we are at a lake with a kid on some sort of powered dingy and two males. An earthquake occurs and a fissure opens within the lake that causes a whirlpool, but thanks to the heroic rescue of the silly powered dingy, the boy survived. After following around the trio, watching them drive and listening to them talk about random things, we get down to the "why are we following these 3?". The kid's dad is a "scientist" who created an android, which he suddenly christens - Jet Jaguar (the 2nd man is the scientist's friend who seems to be a race car driver).

Jet Jaguar looks kind of like a suit of armor with colored segments (bright red, yellow and blue on silver background), with a blue medical neck collar, a curved, pointy head (looks a bit like a metallic version of Martian Manhunter), and an ominous looking smile. His functions include - walking, climbing stairs, flying, increasing in size, speaking in semaphore without the flags and has a severe case of motion sickness.

We then transition into another plot point : the hairy, white guy in a silver toga and super trooper mustache ruler of the underground pseudo-Atlantian utopia (reminds me of an extra on a spaghetti-epic), Sea-topia. Apparently, he's not happy with the all the atomic tests and he releases Megalon upon Japan. Now Megalon is a green scaly monster that looks like a beetle with a giant star shaped extended horn and arms that look like the Chrystler building. Its digs under the earth, can fly and has yellow lightning coming out of the it's horn. Apparently, releasing Megalon isn't enough for the ruler, so he has a plot to kidnap Jet Jaguar and use it to aid Megalon.

Thankfully the scientist has a decoder ring that can override any control (withing a limited range) and sends Jet Jaguar to Monster Island to recruit Godzilla for help. This sets up the tag team match : Jet Jaguar and Godzilla vs Megalon and newly arrived Gigan (cycloptic cybernetic creature with a buzz-saw in its stomach and two large steel hooks for hands). This is a pretty good fight and I would venture to say is one of the best in the series. This includes the now infamous Godzilla riding-tail 2 legged drop kick (or as I like to call it, Godzilla's best impersonation of Captain Kirk).

The movie by itself is terrible, especially with all the crazy cuts, nonsensical car chases, phantom explosions, lots of miniatures, terrible dubs, ridiculous acting and terrible pacing. This is exactly what makes this one of the better "terrible" movies out there. So kick your feet up, twist off the cap on the Smirnoff, don't Bogart but pass it along to the others and enjoy.