Review of "JCVD" (2008)

JCVD (2008)

JC is "Jerry Lewis-famous" in Belgium. Watch out Steven.

Jean-Claude Van Varenberg is not a name you would typically remember. Now replace the last name with Van Damme and that changes dramatically. They are one and the same, but the latter name invokes a certain response. Fame and celebrity invokes a certain universal scrutiny that a "normal" person lives without. It is this theme that the movie cleverly uses to spin a fictitious (and sometimes surreal) dark comedy about the random events surrounding the life of the real Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Another stunt gone bad for JC, which will likely lead to another lawsuit.

An immediate JC association is that he is an aging but once prominent international action-movie star, who is well past his prime and now making B-movies exclusively to pay the bills. The movie is constantly juxtaposing that image against a "real life" person trying to play themselves, outside of a movie. The introduction and opening credits is a 3 minute, complicated action sequence of which we would be expecting from a movie starring JC. It's the best JC action sequence of the last 10 years and it turns out to be just another scene in one of those B-movies he is making. This is NOT an action movie, however. He takes his first hit from the 20-something Asian director.

JC takes another hit during his divorce/custody hearing, in which his daughter doesn't want to be with him because friends laugh when he is on TV. Because he makes action movies he is associated with violence and all that implies. He cannot get the roles he wants, because he is typecast. It becomes a vicious cycle to pay the bills through B-movies. He returns home, to Belgium, to figure things out. He just needs to get some cash from the Post Office to pay the cabbie. A mundane situation. Then fans notice him. Everyone starts to notice. Too bad the post office turns into a hostage drama with the cops making a command center of nearby video store. Subliminally we all expect JC to take care of the situation in action-movie style. He does and he doesn't.

JC's new "thing" is getting people to smell his feet.

The movie is shot in a gritty, digital format reminiscent of a documentary/reality show style. The colors are generally muted in faded gray, greens and browns. Nothing pops but instead screams industrial and earthy. Gritty & real. I saw the dubbed version of the film and as bad as it sounded, it did not affect my enjoyment of the movie. I do recommend you watch it with the original soundtrack and JC talking in his native language.

In this era of films where I have to prepare myself before going out to the theater (by prepare I mean, leave most expectations at home & bring a flask with me), this was a surprise. That is a beautiful and rare thing these days. Though JC is playing a role, namely himself in a fictional situation, you can tell he brought some acting muscle and lay himself upon the alter for exposition. I have always had an affinity for the accent-laden action hero (Schwarzenegger being the other) and this does for JC was Danny the Dog did for Jet Li. It opened my eyes to the untapped talent still residing within an aged action star.

Belgian police take their jobs seriously.

JC ,in an amazing gesture, transcends the movie at one point and his image by stopping the film (pre-climax) and rising about it (literally) to speak to us directly. It feels like a heart-to-heart moment between JC the man addressing his audience and critics alike. The scene, though seemingly out of place, works because it seems like a genuine glimpse into the man. He talks about things that are important to him and even cries several times. I felt as if I had just been witness to a communal exorcism and rebirth. If it was all acting, I have nothing but praise and admiration for JC. He entertained me, inspired and taught me something, all within the span of 90 minutes. He can live contently in the knowledge that he is and never will be Steven Segal. And that's a good thing.

View all the screen shots here.

Review of "Choke" (2008)

Choke (2008)


Freak Flag Flying High

I first took notice of actor, Sam Rockwell, back when he was a security officer named "Guy", but I didn't fully realize his potential until George Clooney's directorial debut, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, put him in the shoes of TV icon, Chuck Barris. His rendition of Zaphod, from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2006), was unforgettable and made an average movie more enjoyable. Now he plays the lead in the movie version of the book (of the same name) by Fight Club author, Chuck Palahniuk.

The Q88 rush hour bus.

Victor Mancini (Rockwell) is a historical re-creationist by day. By night he visits his ailing mother (Angelica Houston) in the home and/or attends sex-addict group support meetings to get sex . You see Victor did not have a normal childhood. His mother came and went, leaving him mostly in foster homes. At the same time, his father's status is quite vague. Because of this, he does not form any meaningful female relationships. He just has sex. Every woman he sees, he envisions having sex with (be it old, ugly or fugly) or having had sex with them. He cannot turn it off. It is one of his coping mechanisms.

It's not what you think. Pervert.

The other is related to the title of the movie (& the book as well); choke. Victor intentionally chokes himself (usually on food and in a public place like a restaurant), with the intent of selecting a "Good Samaritan" to save him. This instills good feelings in the savior, which Victor manipulates to supplement his income.

The movie seems to follow the path of the book, as the narrative revolves around several months of Victor's life as he is trying to deal with the increased deterioration of his mother's condition. This is juxtaposed with flashback's from his childhood. Any comedic qualities derived from the movie is mostly dark in nature, but is still funny. If you frown upon nudity, sexual situations or bad language, then you probably picked the wrong movie. The movie alternates between serious and comedic, but ultimately I think it is meant to be proverbial in scope. Sam Rockwell is the star of this movie. He has the charisma and personality to do great things and can keep something interesting based on only his performance.

Thomas Jefferson's plantation was always fun for everyone.

The message is not a new one. Hunter Thompson wrote about it. We are all freaks in one way or another. Some people fly their "freak flags" while others live in fear of what others will say. Not "flying the flag" or being yourself is the cage/bonds. To truly be "free", we must fly our "freak flags" high, so others can see. Acceptance and reciprocation by another, makes us not freaks but "normal". So fly high, my brothers and sisters.

You can find the rest of the screen shots here.

Review of "Quantum of Solace" (2008)

Quantum of Solace (2008)


QoS = the prescription of visual torture, to induce violent retching in its viewing audience

Getting killed by the titles isn't such a bad way to go in comparison to watching the rest.

Casino Royale hinted at the resurgence of the Bond character, through emotional plot points & character development, diminishing the use of gimmicks, gadgets & high jinks and the use of more realism in action sequences (a.k.a. the Bourne effect). I thoroughly enjoyed Casino Royale. If the ridiculous title of this movie hasn't already given away its caliber, I will. It STINKS. Worst Bond movie ever! This movie makes me long for the Roger Moore days, when at least you could laugh at the ridiculousness. I would rather watch the non-Broccoli & aged Bond of Never Say Never Again than QoS. QoS is thin in every conceivable category except boredom, where there is plenty to go around.

The movie picks up about 3 minutes after the end of Casino Royale and puts us right in the middle of a Bond getaway through the serpentine roads of the Italian countryside. The usual stuff occurs; cars crash into one another, cars get shot, cars fall off cliffs, etc. We are then presented with a major plot point: there is a secret organization that's controlling everything and has infiltrated even MI6 and CIA.

Is this part of the plot?

We don't really explore that dangerous avenue much, as the movie is more interested in Bond's revenge goals (who is responsible for Vespa's death), Camille's revenge goals (paying back her father's killer), Greene's plot to create a drought in Bolivia for a nefarious scheme (why Bolivia??) and the CIA/MI6 double dealings with sketchy individuals/groups. Eggs are broken, omelets are made.

Although this movie is suppose to be Bond's closure in regards to Vespa, it doesn't actually answer much in the way of that back story and can be easily skipped. We need a whole movie to tell us that Vespa was duped by her N. African lover? It was kind of obvious from Casino Royale. There is little plot that actually makes sense as things become tediously confusing. A plot tool I like to call "double-dealing the double-deal" scenario.

Who needs plot when you have action, right? That is usually the case unless every scene reminds you of another movie (Bourne trilogy) or when you introduce ridiculous situations: i.e. a dogfight between a WW2 cargo & fighter plane or perhaps getting knocked out by a dingy. Bond doesn't use any gadgets, except for a phone and at one point he even takes a ride in a smart car. The only cool car Bond drives is a wreck from the opening scene. Bond's nemesis, Greene, is a petty middle-man for the secret organization (yet to be named), who's primary role in this movie is as that organization's herald. There is nothing remotely interesting or uncanny about him. He is not even clever/smart, but is just sleazy (an atypical role for a Bond nemesis).

Sony's new spokesman : "Buy BluRay or take a closer look at the business end of my implement"

Without the "Bond" moniker this is nothing more than an average revenge-based action movie. The stink of the writer's strike is all over this movie as it feels rushed from the plot, to the action & even the CG effects (CG parachute jump is atrocious). I bet the writers thought their Goldfinger homage with the "black gold" covering the Bond girl instead of real gold was clever. It all seems borrowed and severely unoriginal. A true waste of 100 minutes for those that can sleep, but a miracle cure for the insomniacs of the world. If you need your fix of Daniel Craig, then go back to Casino Royale (Layer Cake is even better) or stay tuned for next movie : "The Arc-Second of Truth".

The rest of the screen shots are here.

Review of "Pineapple Express" (2008)

Pineapple Express (2008)

Disappointed. Tropic Thunder is the real deal.

I have to come out and set the record straight: I am not a fan of Judd Apatow or his minions (especially Seth Rogen & Danny McBride). I never saw more than one episode of Freaks & Geeks and didn't break a smile when I saw the 40 Year Old Virgin. I thought Knocked Up was an evolutionary step for the geek character (maturation), but at the end, instead it falls into a mixed-up, end-justifies-the-means philosophy that contradicts the true nature of the geek. Looking at a list of Apatow's writing/directing/producing credits, only the Cable Guy & Walk Hard, would I consider funny or better than average. He has created this chic-geek template which he just transplants to a new scenario. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't use a group of similar guys in very similar roles, playing themselves in each one of those. PE is not directed by Judd, but he does have writing and producing credits. As Tim Burton keeps acting out father issues and Woody Allen struggles with his sexual inadequacies on screen; Judd Apatow has geek issues/trauma.

Bringing a boat to the gun show.

This is the geek-chic scenario in a stoner movie with action scenes. Rogen is a late 20/early 30-something, subpoena delivery, court-clerk stoner, who's dating a high school senior. James Franco is his dealer (a good hearted stoner as well), who has a strain of "pineapple express" cannabis. Rogen witnesses a murder, but leaves behind the roach. That roach connects Rogen to the pineapple express which connects him to Franco. The result is a stoner, buddy movie (typical of the genre Cheech & Chong created) with over-the-top, bloodless action.

I have seen a variety of stoner movies, either made with or for stoners. The stoner part is almost identical throughout the movies: hallucinations, uncontrolled laughing, red eyes, cotton mouth, random ramblings, poor logic process & decision-making ability, crazy/random/awkward situations, etc. That part requires an uncanny chemistry between the "stoners" to be memorable. Though this movie tries to create an emotional connection between the two main protagonist stoners, it ultimately fails because the goal of the movie is the action. The humor is simple (as in you don't have to think about it and is more similar to a pie to the face or a fart joke, than the life of Oliver Cromwell in song) and implies a certain state-of-mind to appreciate it. A good comedy is funny in a variety of states and I am starting to find that implied required state to be insulting to the target demographic. It is stereotypical and unrealistic of most.

Ah. Purging fire. If only it were real.

While this movie tries to stand out by adding an extra layer of violence, the problem with the violence is that it seems hyper-realistic & graphic at first, but turns out to be cartoony and unrealistic. I praise the movie for trying something different with this genre, but in the end it fails because it does not go far enough with the one element that is original. The violence angle negates itself by it's own ridiculousness. CG blood still doesn't look real (see 300, Mongol or Rambo for reference). Think of the violence in a Warner Bros cartoon. Recall Elmer Fudd blowing the face off Daffy Duck. Did you feel like anyone was hurt? Are you outraged by the shooting? Does it make you feel anything other than hysterical laughter? Were there any repercussions? For most people all those are going to be answered by an emphatic 'no'. An example of this black, action comedy genre (that succeeds where this fails) is Tropic Thunder (review coming soon). And yes I know Danny McBride is in it, but his comedic influence is mitigated in TT in contrast to his PE role.

Graphical representation of the effects of this movie.

The movie teeters dangerously down the divide that separates the two main themes & choosing not to go in either direction. As Mr. Miyagi once said this inevitably leads to being smashed like a grape in the middle. If the movie either stayed on the ridiculous, stoner angle or chose instead to make the violence real (think of the difference between most of Boogie Nights & Wonderland), it would have been more of a success. As I mentioned earlier, I am biased when it comes to this. If you are a fan of Apatow or his brood or are new to the stoner genre, then you might get more enjoyment from this than I did. To me this is just a disposable (cliched and unremarkable) stoner-genre buddy movie that is as disposable as the contents of a Japanese vending machine. BTW, I was thinking of used underwear.

The rest of the screen shots are here.

Review of "Star Wars:The Clone Wars" (2008)

Star Wars : The Clone Wars (2008)

If you loved Episode 2 : Attack of the Clones, then you'll love this thing.

Episodes 1-3 have made the Star Wars universe rather irrelevant. I blame George Lucas, since it was he that made it this way with the "quality" of the prequels. This was an opportunity to follow up the decent Star Wars : Clone Wars animated series and bring back some of that relevance. George Lucas had different plans. George thought it would be best to take his "opus" film series and literally defecated on it for the sake of making more money than he can spend in his or his children's lifetimes.

There were warning signs to the quality of this before the movie even started. I saw this at the AMC 84th St theater last night at a free preview. Lets just say the "over-sold" event was anything but (more than a dozen empty seats remained). The rest of the seats seemed to be filled with house-less people (as George would call them). I felt as if I was a stadium extra on the set of Major League 5. There was a row reserved for the press, but strangely it remained empty. Phones were confiscated and placed in zip lock bags with raffle tickets. Bags were searched and people were scanned with metal detectors. Funny, I still managed to get in with a camera. I didn't use it and also didn't have any notions of doing so. I am trying hard to forget the 90 minutes of my life that were wasted. Sadly the neuralizer has not been mass produced yet.

The movie starts with a Starship Trooper introductory narrative, disembodied reporter missing. The story takes place somewhere between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. The war between the Separatists and the Republic continues. Jabba the Hutt's tadpole-like son is kidnapped and the Republic's traveling rights through the Outer Rim (controlled by the Hutts) is in jeopardy. Skyywalker is sent in to the rescue, a new unwanted (and quite annoying) padawan (Ahsoka Tano) in tow. Hilarity and adventure ensues..... I wish.

The story is trite and predictable. The voice acting is generally atrocious, Ashley Eckstein (Ahsoka Tano) being the worst of the bunch. Matt Lanter (Skyywalker) doesn't fare much better. Christopher Lee and Samuel L. Jackson both reprise their roles, but much like Yoda and Obi-Wan, their presence is mostly filler and in for the backseat role. This is mostly the Anakin and Ahsoka show and boy it sure sucks. The jokes are juvenile at best as well as the character motivations and plot. Lucas spares no movie from his creative racism, this time, by including an English speaking Zero the Hutt, who sounds a lot like Truman Capote. The animation, the savior of most bad CG movies, was rather distracting and flat at times (i.e. R2D2 running over the patterned floor in the monastery).And why are the clone warriors called Cody, Rex and Odd-Ball? Sounds a bit like the cast of High School Musical. Even the battle sequences, I felt as if I were watching a capture the flag session of Star Wars : Battlefront, complete with first person perspective. But I wasn't playing.... for an hour and a half.

This is very obviously meant for an audience of pre-teens and should never had been released on the big screen. It is, at best, a straight to DVD release. I feel it should have been more appropriate as a 3 part event on Cartoon Network or as a downloadable in the iTunes store and no more. George is no longer a film maker (to me at least). He is a hack and anything he touches turns to dust. He has reverse Midas syndrome. He should only be allowed to touch Disney movies or remakes of Disney movies.

Star Wars is officially dead and irrelevant to me now. I will still hold on to episode 4-6 and some of the comic books, but anything new will be ignored, as it will likely have George's mark on it. This new Star Wars is marketed towards a certain group of people, such as the young man who sat in front of me during the movie. He was explaining to his friend how Revenge of the Sith ended on a high note.

Review of "Iron Man (2008)"

Iron Man (2008)

Without the man on the inside its just an empty shell.

The easiest way to sum up this movie is Robert Downey Jr. He is this movie. Robert is Tony Starks. Without Robert this movie would have been empty gadget porn. Don't get me wrong, I like Jon Favreau (the director, who also makes a nice cameo as one of Stark's bodyguards). I really, really like him. I feel a certain kinship as we are both Librans (with birthdays very close together) and both grew up in Queens. I think his role as Mike in Swingers will be forever burned into my consciousness, however, without Robert this movie would have been a flat, ordinary, predictable and gadget ladened comic book based movie.

The movie is a very straight forward narrative (and very predictable) of a talented person caught up in the money, fame and drugs of living the "good life". To say that Tony Starks has an ego is an understatement. You can hate him at the same time you really like him. He is the charismatic rogue and frankly what most men want to be (lets be honest). At the beginning of the movie, Tony lacks a purpose. That purpose is given to him inadvertently when he is kidnapped by some Islamic terrorists (do we really need to get his clichéd?) and forced to build his company's top of the line missile in a cave out of spare parts. Instead he creates an iron suit and decides to escape. The experience infuses Tony with a purpose to make a positive difference in this world, of which the result is Iron Man. There are several subplots, twists and turns, but all are quite predictable (and wrap up quite nicely by the end of the movie).

The supporting cast is good, though I think they're not suppose to overpower or even make much of an impact. They are props for Downey to envelope us in his magic. Does it matter that his personal assistant is played by an Academy Award winning actress (Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts) or that his "friends" have 5 Academy Award nominations between then (Jeff Bridges and Terrence Howard)? It doesn't. They are they simply there to fill in any of the rough patches and makes this movie look smooth. For the most part, they succeed, but in a behind the scenes and supportive way. They hardly stand out.

While this is a showcase for Downey, Favreau adds some nice easter eggs for the fans. There are several important easter eggs that Favreau throws out during the course of the film.* He also delves into Stark's relationship and alcohol problems of which Downey has adequate life experiences to base his method acting on. There are adequate crumbs here to lead one to at least one more film. The rest is Downey interacting with technology. What can one say about the special effects of Hollywood that hasn't already been said? This is a prime example of the technical proficiencies of a good Hollywood production, while Favreau keeps it from becoming ridiculous. Tony Starks lives & breaths technology, so it is quite appropriate. Are you taking notes Michael Bay? This is what Transformers should have been like.

To read this review you might think that I didn't enjoy this movie or perhaps have an unhealthy fixation on Robert Downey Jr. Both are not true. I liked this movie and I have never had any doubts about Robert's talent. Iron Man has joined the ranks of Spiderman 2 as my two favorite (and best) comic based movies. Both are very enjoyable, yet flawed (and definitely not horrible. Yes, I'm looking at you Fantastic Four).

Other have dismissed my qualms with the movie by reminding me that this is a comic book based movie. To this I respond with why does a comic book or comic book based movie have to be simple, predictable and clichéd? There are numerous instances of the medium's seriousness and complexity. Why does a summer blockbuster have to be flashy, trite and predictable? It doesn't have to be that way.

This movie is much like most staged performances. You don't want to get to close to the sets/stage or you might risk dispelling the illusion. The same goes for Iron Man. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

*EASTER EGG SPOILERS

-READ AT YOUR RISK-

-Rhodes makes a comment about a second suit, alluding to War Machine (spin off or next movie??)

-S.H.I.E.L.D is formed.

-In the final scene (pre-credits), Starks admits publicly that he is Iron Man essentially doing away with the duality of superheros (the hero and the disguise).

-After the credits Samuel L. Jackson makes an appearance a Marvel's Ultimate Nick Fury.

-Many allusions to what could be the next movie featuring the Mandarin

Review of "George Carlin... It's Bad for Ya! (2008)"

George Carlin... It's Bad for Ya! (2008)

The Transformed Man in Comedian's Purgatory (a.k.a. "Heck")

George Carlin is probably my favorite comedian. I have seen so many of his specials and even had the opportunity to see him perform live. He had a certain cynicism that always appealed to me. His last 2 specials (Life is Worth Losing especially and Complaints and Grievances) have lacked a certain spirit and content. George appeared overweight, old and tired (not to mention coming out of rehab). "I SAID NOT TO MENTION IT"! Anyway. Life is Worth Losing was especially tragic as he was overweight, disgruntled, coming off of rehab (there we go again...) and extremely unfunny. If there was a way to feel sorry for a comedian without heckling him off stage, George achieved it with Life is Worth Losing. It is as if the New Millennium and Post 9/11 America was trampling George's spirit. The bs had become too large to manage.

The comeback is partially successful with It's Bad for Ya! This special is the transmutation completed. George is no longer trying to rekindle his glory days. He is in full acceptance of his age, being old and dealing with the looming prospects of death. He has accepted being a crusty old SOB and is relishing in it. This is better than his previous specials, yet far from Jammin' in New York. It is a little tragic. His observations are not cutting edge anymore and seem more Andy Rooney than Lenny Bruce. George isn't George anymore. He is no longer criticizing us but is the man in the high castle pointing out how things were and how dissimilar modern life is.

This is an improvement over the previous two specials, but George does not, as of yet, recoup his old glory (if ever). He has been reduced from critical social and political stinging commentary to mostly personal peeves. When he goes political, he still has something to say. It is heavily derived (especially if you have seen any of his previous work), but it still works somehow, as opposed to his random rantings which lack a certain relevance outside of the baby boom generation. The last 25 minutes is the best this special has to offer.

For now I will worship the Sun and pray to Joe Pesci that George can recreate himself as a cutting edge septuagenarian. It's a 50/50 chance. Life seems to have become more tedious for George and his "art" is now his life. This is a step in the right direction from his previous 2 specials, but is far from his old self. Where does he go from here? He may never recoup but maybe he can further metamorphosing/refine this new ornery old man routine. Heres to hoping for 7 more words you can't say on TV or at least a windmill he can handle.